Race For The Cup Heats Up As Team Flowrider Nabs Podium At Killington Relay- Rocket Ladies Finish Dismally As Chance For Title Slips Away
Killington Mountain, VT.- A perfect bluebird day provided an elegant backdrop as the rope dropped for the third leg of The Killington Cup and sent fourteen teams of four careening down the course for a chance at local glory last Saturday. Team Flowrider took the honors in a heated dash for the line while several other competitors were knocked out of the race due to poor planning and lethargic efforts.
“Well, we knew it was gonna be a rough ride but we all felt pretty good about our set ups and strategy.” Team Flowrider spokesman, Mark “Mark D” DiFillipo said at the post-race presser. “When Mustang took the baton at Bear with a three chair lead we started getting confident about our chances.”
The race began at K1 Peak with fourteen teams present at the opening bell. Grabbing the junior ski pole batons teams were faced with a daunting run through gaper traffic before sliding under the Superstar chair and making a run for the first hand off at the base. The early lead was shared by several teams as they utilized shady methods and outright treachery while jockeying for position. Team Swanson Chaos held an aggressive line but team captain and eldest brother Bob went too hard into the High Road cutoff and slipped off the trail before disappearing into the woods under a milky cloud of snow dust.
“Yeah, he was ampin’ hard and I could see he didn’t care about consequences so when he went ass over tea-kettle I figured it served him right.” Curfew House first legman, Shane “Hazy” Grady commented afterwards.
The wreck dashed all chances for a podium spot for a team which came in with eyes on a title shot.
“He knew better…we knew better. Shoulda been Justin’s leg but Bob’s the oldest and he kinda wanted that spot.” A clearly agitated Ben Swanson muttered.
The initial hand off did not go as smooth as some teams would have liked. The K-Fives, Coon Snakes and Ass Magnets all fumbled the transition and found themselves facing a deep hole from which there was little time to climb out of. Coon Snake spokesman, Kelly Champney voiced her displeasure at what she felt was a lack of focus by some squad members.
“I’m not going to sit here and name names but when you can’t even give the baton over the lift rope and insist on stepping out of your bindings to walk it over to me…well, we got problems.” Champney said, barely cloaking her frustrations.
Team Iron Balls, consisting of Tucker, Lil’ Tucker, Cutter and Ittai made a strong show in the first leg of the race but when Lil’ Tuck flipped the baton to Cutter at the Skyeship mid station he neglected to remove the wrist strap and precious seconds were lost in the transition. The lapse infuriated team captain, Tucker Lange and he was not silent about his displeasure.
“*&^%in’ guy can’t even give a proper hand off!” Lange screamed while waiting impatiently at Bear Base as he saw Flowrider, Mustang Ben Colona take the easy pitch from Slopes and board the lift with a three chair gap.
The Curfew House, long known for their tidy sleep habits and pre-race lights-out rule of 8pm, were fresh and rested as Shane “Hazy” Grady easily finished his leg and transitioned smoothly to Ned “Big Legs” Healy. Healy ripped the Cruise Control run and dished the stick to Zack Nasty Ducharme who quickly rebooted his namesake by clipping the binding of Hurrican Boner as he whipped around the cat track and aimed for Bear. The strategy was effective as The Hurricane, riding for an independent team out of Newark known as The Glass Chalice, flew from his skis, turned a cartwheel in midair and planted his face between two hard packed moguls. The Hurricane’s day was done but Mr. Nasty’s wasn’t as he earned frowns from spectators and competitors alike with his reckless disregard for safety and penchant for unsportsmanlike behavior.
“Yeah, that guy…you see that guy lemme know, alright? I want to see him in the parking lot.” Fumed Team Rabid Mice victim, John Durney. Durney was making good time when Nasty approached from behind and lodged an elbow into Durney’s side causing another glorious pile up which netted skiers from three teams. Nasty simply laughed at the allegations.
“I wasn’t even on the course at that time.” Nasty lied.
In what was supposed to be a coming out party of sorts from one of the ladies teams, Snowpatrollers Melissa Gerlach, Alex Shuppert, Amy Dorr and Beth Standbridge came away less than advertised with a slow showing and listless performance which quickly had fingers being pointed and tear ducts working overtime.
“Meli! Step Your Game UP!” An animated Alex Shuppert bellowed from the viewing platform as she saw her stallion-like efforts go for naught when Melissa Gerlach breezily swooshed her way down the course, oblivious to the pressures and tensions of competition. The resulting shouting match proved too much for Standbridge and the supporting cast who quit the race, melted into tears and angrily threatened each other with vows to forcibly take back loaned copies of Madmen DVDs.
“I thought I did very well, thank you.” Melissa said sweetly after she completed her run and the rest of the combatants were long vanished from the staging area.
More drama ensued on the back side of the race as the course’s longest leg stretched from Skye Peak though the Snowshed beginner’s area and under the access road via the ski tunnel. Team Iron Balls honcho, Tucker Lange, still seething at Cutter’s lamentable showing, tore through the run with a vengeance as he tracked an elusive Slopes who held a slim margin over Curfew House, The Snow Gunners and Rookie House. Rookie House front-runner, Kat Lafferty had one desire, to finish in the hunt and get the baton to their anchor-lady, Monica Marois. She came close but as she cut the corner into the tunnel her inside leg was cut from underneath by Tucker in an obvious effort to dislodge her from her skis. The ploy worked and as Lafferty careened into the tunnel wall and vanished from view her screams terrified the assembled crowd. The hollow thunk of bodies flailing into the tunnel walls could be heard above the maniacal laughter of Tucker who emerged from the darkness and handed the baton to Iron Balls anchor, Uncle Bob who boarded the chair just a few slots behind race leader, Lisa Solinger of Team Flowrider.
The sketchiness of Tucker’s action was not lost on those who saw it and possible repercussions could be aimed Tucker’s way once the authorities are able to conclude their investigation.
“We do not encourage the aggressive style of skiing Mr. Lange showed today and we will look into the matter to see if punishment is warranted.” Ski Patrol spokesman, Randall Van Aardsmore said when contacted.
Killington Mountain, VT.- A perfect bluebird day provided an elegant backdrop as the rope dropped for the third leg of The Killington Cup and sent fourteen teams of four careening down the course for a chance at local glory last Saturday. Team Flowrider took the honors in a heated dash for the line while several other competitors were knocked out of the race due to poor planning and lethargic efforts.
“Well, we knew it was gonna be a rough ride but we all felt pretty good about our set ups and strategy.” Team Flowrider spokesman, Mark “Mark D” DiFillipo said at the post-race presser. “When Mustang took the baton at Bear with a three chair lead we started getting confident about our chances.”
The race began at K1 Peak with fourteen teams present at the opening bell. Grabbing the junior ski pole batons teams were faced with a daunting run through gaper traffic before sliding under the Superstar chair and making a run for the first hand off at the base. The early lead was shared by several teams as they utilized shady methods and outright treachery while jockeying for position. Team Swanson Chaos held an aggressive line but team captain and eldest brother Bob went too hard into the High Road cutoff and slipped off the trail before disappearing into the woods under a milky cloud of snow dust.
“Yeah, he was ampin’ hard and I could see he didn’t care about consequences so when he went ass over tea-kettle I figured it served him right.” Curfew House first legman, Shane “Hazy” Grady commented afterwards.
The wreck dashed all chances for a podium spot for a team which came in with eyes on a title shot.
“He knew better…we knew better. Shoulda been Justin’s leg but Bob’s the oldest and he kinda wanted that spot.” A clearly agitated Ben Swanson muttered.
The initial hand off did not go as smooth as some teams would have liked. The K-Fives, Coon Snakes and Ass Magnets all fumbled the transition and found themselves facing a deep hole from which there was little time to climb out of. Coon Snake spokesman, Kelly Champney voiced her displeasure at what she felt was a lack of focus by some squad members.
“I’m not going to sit here and name names but when you can’t even give the baton over the lift rope and insist on stepping out of your bindings to walk it over to me…well, we got problems.” Champney said, barely cloaking her frustrations.
Team Iron Balls, consisting of Tucker, Lil’ Tucker, Cutter and Ittai made a strong show in the first leg of the race but when Lil’ Tuck flipped the baton to Cutter at the Skyeship mid station he neglected to remove the wrist strap and precious seconds were lost in the transition. The lapse infuriated team captain, Tucker Lange and he was not silent about his displeasure.
“*&^%in’ guy can’t even give a proper hand off!” Lange screamed while waiting impatiently at Bear Base as he saw Flowrider, Mustang Ben Colona take the easy pitch from Slopes and board the lift with a three chair gap.
The Curfew House, long known for their tidy sleep habits and pre-race lights-out rule of 8pm, were fresh and rested as Shane “Hazy” Grady easily finished his leg and transitioned smoothly to Ned “Big Legs” Healy. Healy ripped the Cruise Control run and dished the stick to Zack Nasty Ducharme who quickly rebooted his namesake by clipping the binding of Hurrican Boner as he whipped around the cat track and aimed for Bear. The strategy was effective as The Hurricane, riding for an independent team out of Newark known as The Glass Chalice, flew from his skis, turned a cartwheel in midair and planted his face between two hard packed moguls. The Hurricane’s day was done but Mr. Nasty’s wasn’t as he earned frowns from spectators and competitors alike with his reckless disregard for safety and penchant for unsportsmanlike behavior.
“Yeah, that guy…you see that guy lemme know, alright? I want to see him in the parking lot.” Fumed Team Rabid Mice victim, John Durney. Durney was making good time when Nasty approached from behind and lodged an elbow into Durney’s side causing another glorious pile up which netted skiers from three teams. Nasty simply laughed at the allegations.
“I wasn’t even on the course at that time.” Nasty lied.
In what was supposed to be a coming out party of sorts from one of the ladies teams, Snowpatrollers Melissa Gerlach, Alex Shuppert, Amy Dorr and Beth Standbridge came away less than advertised with a slow showing and listless performance which quickly had fingers being pointed and tear ducts working overtime.
“Meli! Step Your Game UP!” An animated Alex Shuppert bellowed from the viewing platform as she saw her stallion-like efforts go for naught when Melissa Gerlach breezily swooshed her way down the course, oblivious to the pressures and tensions of competition. The resulting shouting match proved too much for Standbridge and the supporting cast who quit the race, melted into tears and angrily threatened each other with vows to forcibly take back loaned copies of Madmen DVDs.
“I thought I did very well, thank you.” Melissa said sweetly after she completed her run and the rest of the combatants were long vanished from the staging area.
More drama ensued on the back side of the race as the course’s longest leg stretched from Skye Peak though the Snowshed beginner’s area and under the access road via the ski tunnel. Team Iron Balls honcho, Tucker Lange, still seething at Cutter’s lamentable showing, tore through the run with a vengeance as he tracked an elusive Slopes who held a slim margin over Curfew House, The Snow Gunners and Rookie House. Rookie House front-runner, Kat Lafferty had one desire, to finish in the hunt and get the baton to their anchor-lady, Monica Marois. She came close but as she cut the corner into the tunnel her inside leg was cut from underneath by Tucker in an obvious effort to dislodge her from her skis. The ploy worked and as Lafferty careened into the tunnel wall and vanished from view her screams terrified the assembled crowd. The hollow thunk of bodies flailing into the tunnel walls could be heard above the maniacal laughter of Tucker who emerged from the darkness and handed the baton to Iron Balls anchor, Uncle Bob who boarded the chair just a few slots behind race leader, Lisa Solinger of Team Flowrider.
The sketchiness of Tucker’s action was not lost on those who saw it and possible repercussions could be aimed Tucker’s way once the authorities are able to conclude their investigation.
“We do not encourage the aggressive style of skiing Mr. Lange showed today and we will look into the matter to see if punishment is warranted.” Ski Patrol spokesman, Randall Van Aardsmore said when contacted.
Digging into his ample supply of Busch Light Uncle Bob fortified himself for the final dash to the finish line in front of the Roaring Brook Umbrella Bars but Solinger was not about to allow the race to become close. She waited at the top of Ramshead Quad and just as Uncle Bob disembarked she swung the lift operator’s shovel into Uncle Bob’s face. His beer exploding into a cloud of foam, Bob coughed and sputtered through the confusion but by the time he’d regained his senses Solinger was long gone and Curfew House anchorman, Steve “The Gunslinger” Andrew wasn’t far behind her.
Looping past the K1 Lodge via the Great Northern trail, Solinger took the rope and capped an impressive outing for the unseeded Flowrider Team. Gunslinger Andrew held his Euro tuck for the final charge and eased under the gates a few moments before Uncle Bob who nailed down a solid third place finish for the Iron Balls squad. Showing the ‘refuse to lose’ spirit that the Swanson Brothers are known for, Team Swanson Chaos made steady progressions after elder brother, Bob’s disastrous catapult into the woods and finished a respectable ninth with Justin’s impressive anchoring job.
Straggling in far behind the leaders were the Ass Magnets, Trench Rats and Glass Chalice but it was nearly an hour by the bar clock before Amy Dorr sidled under the rope and signed the card for the Rocket Ladies who locked up last place and the honor of picking up the tab for the post-race party.
“I gotta do what, now?” Dorr asked in confusion when told of the fine print rule. “So that’s why everyone was taking this thing so seriously?”
With the third leg of The Killington Cup now in the books the leader board has shrunk and top honors might soon be decided.
“If that cup don’t say, ‘Zack Nasty Ducharme on it by April I’m gonna be out to hurt somebody.” Nasty D. said as he worked a file on his ski edges in preparation for the forecasted retaliations he knew were coming.
Killington Relay Final Results
1st Place- Team Flowrider (Mark D., Mustang, Slopes and Solinger)
2nd Place- Curfew House (Grady, Healy, Ducharme and Andrew)
3rd Place- Team Iron Balls (Tucker, Lil’ Tuck, Cutter and Uncle Bob)
4th Place Team Sneak
5th Place Coon Snakes
6th Place- Rabid Mice
7th Place- Rookie House
8th Place- Snow Gunners
9th Place- Team Swanson Chaos
10th Place- K-Fives
11th Place- Ass Magnets
12th Place- Trench Rats
13th Place- Glass Chalice
Last Place- Rocket Ladies
